Anthology series The Hitchhiker would see Virginia Madsen take a role in the fourth Seasons first episode, “Perfect Order” which originally aired on February 17th, 1987.
Or, if you’re in the UK you might know the show better as Deadly Nightmares.
The Hitchhiker refers to a central character (Page Fletcher) that connects the otherwise unconnected episodes, he’s a mysterious stranger who wanders into towns to find tales of mystery and or horror unfolding.
The show lasted from 1983 to 1991 in one form or another, hopping channels from it’s original home on HBO before finding a home on the USA Network for it’s final two seasons.
It actually had it’s fair share of properly impressive guest stars over the years, you can find a full list on the WIkipedia page for the show but some highlights include Gary Busey, Willem Dafoe, Helen Hunt, Carrie-Anne Moss and Elliot Gould. The DVD releases love to splash their names over the covers even though they weren’t “famous” at the time.
I won’t lie, I’ve only ever watched one episode of this show, this one, obviously. And, well, it’s weird. Which is probably why I’ve only ever watched this one. I don’t mind weird normally, but this is not in a good way weird.
As the episode starts we meet Simon (Steve Inwood) who is hard at work on his latest project, various models are covered in mud and hung up with ropes. As he’s taking his photos one of the models complains they are bleeding “Shut up, you’re dead” he hisses in return. Edgy.
His mood ruined with the break in atmosphere and the models getting in his face, he orders his lacky to pay them and send them on their way. He retreats to his trusty bottle of alcohol proclaiming he’s scared, presumably of how far he is willing to go for his art. Or, something.
Cut to a hot sexy blonde who we learn is called Christina (obviously, played by Mrs Madsen), admiring Simon’s work in a gallery “If only he’d shoot me” she gushes, “instant fame”.
Her unimpressed suitor convinces her it’s time to leave, but just as they exit the building Simon arrives at the exhibit.
Not wanting to miss the chance to meet one of her idols she runs back inside and abandons her young gentleman. As he makes his way down the street he passes The Hitchhiker.
“Christina wants fame, at any price. Simon wants a perfect masterpiece. Each will learn the cost of fulfilling each others desires” he proclaims.
Simon enters the exhibit, his guests fawning all over him and applauding like he’s a Rock Star, as one patron throws praise at him he growls that he doesn’t care what they think and pulls a machine gun from under his robe. He uses the gun to clear a table of some champagne glasses and stands on top, exciting Christina. “Would you like to see a suicide, huh?” he shouts, putting the barrel of the gun in his mouth. Instead of pulling the trigger he turns the gun on the crowd, threatens a mass killing instead and starts firing into the crowd and on his own pictures. Which obviously earns him a standing ovation once calm is restored. Because, art.
Christina is in awe, “Incredible” she whispers, “You’re incredible” in Simons direction, unheard.
She chases after him as he leaves the building, begging to be his next subject. Most men would be flattered, it’s Virginia after all. Not Simon, cool as a cucumber he asks if she has any family waiting for her before coldly telling her “Model for me, you have to be a victim, a slave”
Christina agrees, Simon whisks her off in his car.
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd you get the idea of how pretentious and full of crap this is.
Christina does what Simon wants to the nth degree, letting him do whatever he wants to her. She complies to a sickening degree. Anything in her pursuit of fame and fortune.
Eventually, and I kid you not – Simon devises a maze for her to escape from. What’s she escaping from? LASERS! Because of course she is.
You’ll have to watch the episode to get the full extent of just how, arty, this whole thing is.
Virginia’s acting here, is not great. Given the material it’s not surprising. Nobody here acts well or does themselves any favours to be fair, she’s not on her own. I say “not great” but there are some flashes of talent (not a euphemism, but, yeah that as well – it’s that kind of show) once the initial pandering wears off from the start.
It’s hard to recommend this one for any reason. I just don’t like it. I did a little Googling as I was watching the episode and I’m not the only one who finds it weird. I did also read it’s out of place as an episode of the show so maybe the other episodes aren’t so bad.
Availability:
It’s actually not hard to find The Hitchhiker on DVD from America. The trouble is finding the particularly episode you want. Because of the anthology nature of the series there was no need to put episodes together in the correct order, or even it seems with episodes from the same seasons. I had to check various listings to make sure I got a version with the actual episode on. It doesn’t help that they all have similar covers so you really do have to check.
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